12 / 102. .Rd5g7JmL4Fdk-aZi1-U_V{transition:all .1s linear 0s}._2TMXtA984ePtHXMkOpHNQm{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;margin-bottom:4px}.CneW1mCG4WJXxJbZl5tzH{border-top:1px solid var(--newRedditTheme-line);margin-top:16px;padding-top:16px}._11ARF4IQO4h3HeKPpPg0xb{transition:all .1s linear 0s;display:none;fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);height:16px;width:16px;vertical-align:middle;margin-bottom:2px;margin-left:4px;cursor:pointer}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:hover ._11ARF4IQO4h3HeKPpPg0xb{display:inline-block}._2IvhQwkgv_7K0Q3R0695Cs{border-radius:4px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line)}._2IvhQwkgv_7K0Q3R0695Cs:focus{outline:none}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B{transition:all .1s linear 0s;border-radius:4px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line)}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:focus{outline:none}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B.IeceazVNz_gGZfKXub0ak,._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:hover{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk{margin-top:25px;left:-9px}._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP,._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP:focus-within,._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP:hover{transition:all .1s linear 0s;border:none;padding:8px 8px 0}._25yWxLGH4C6j26OKFx8kD5{display:inline}._2YsVWIEj0doZMxreeY6iDG{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;padding:4px 6px}._1hFCAcL4_gkyWN0KM96zgg{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);margin-right:8px;margin-left:auto;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-errorText)}._1hFCAcL4_gkyWN0KM96zgg,._1dF0IdghIrnqkJiUxfswxd{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;cursor:pointer;-ms-flex-item-align:end;align-self:flex-end;-webkit-user-select:none;-ms-user-select:none;user-select:none}._1dF0IdghIrnqkJiUxfswxd{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3VGrhUu842I3acqBMCoSAq{font-weight:700;color:#ff4500;text-transform:uppercase;margin-right:4px}._3VGrhUu842I3acqBMCoSAq,.edyFgPHILhf5OLH2vk-tk{font-size:12px;line-height:16px}.edyFgPHILhf5OLH2vk-tk{font-weight:400;-ms-flex-preferred-size:100%;flex-basis:100%;margin-bottom:4px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX{margin-top:6px}._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._3MAHaXXXXi9Xrmc_oMPTdP{margin-top:4px} If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen., 46. Of course, those who arent in the direct line of insult will no doubt find it hilarious! Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarahs house and left it there all night. Well! responds the friend. Well, said her husband to the shaken pastor when all the commotion ending, shes there.Submitted by Norm Schmitz, One friend complains to another, All my husband and I do any more is fight. A man is struggling to find a parking space. You need to learn these corny Halloween jokes! These breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around. I told them: I understand. The Hepatitis Bee. Milton Jones, Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski, The pollen count, now thats a difficult job. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldnt have started with the circumcision.. Hold it in. Liked what you just read? Fo drizzle! Why couldn't the defensive football player pass his test in school? Shave my head.Submitted by Abdulmajeed Mamudu, Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night. Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. From the greats to the random internet memes, this was a list of the best smartass quotes for life, ex-loves, and general sassiness. It never really took off. Milton Jones, Recently I went on a ballooning holiday I put on four stone! Milton Jones. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, Nice going! Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seatbelt. Is that you?. Submitted by Adam J. Smargon, A: When its pasture bedtime. So I had to put my foot down. What are you? asks the cat. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he were standing inside. Maybe youll find a brain back there., 45. I didnt know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there. During one visit, we were both busy with this task when the phone rang. What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way? she demands. Again, he hears the booming voice: There are no fish under the ice!, He nervously looks up and asks, Lord? Im doing great! Wow, thats incredible, the doctor says. Still, Id like you to mail me the results., A few days later, he received a postcard from the doctors office. How old are you? Thirty-six.Submitted by Melissa Steginus, The other day I was thinking, I must be the most unobservant person in the world. Then I thought, Well, maybe other people are equally unobservant and I just havent noticed before.Submitted by D. Norris, I love that TV show with all the different video clips of things going disastrously wrong. 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember | Reader's Digest Snake 1: I just bit my lip. The first one says, Weeoouhh. The next whale says, Shut up, Steve. Math teacher: If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have? What are they used for? the captain asks. Ive decided to sell my Hoover it was just collecting dust. ", "If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. Dont worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal., 22. Oh look, just put me down for five.Submitted by Kerrie Pont, The prosecutor was relentless as he badgered the witness: What did the accused do when he learned the jewellery was stolen? He did what any honest man would do, said the witness. Our words and actions can have the impact of feeling hurtful to our partner without us having the intention of being hurtful. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. There they taught me how to be neutral. ._2Gt13AX94UlLxkluAMsZqP{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:contain;position:relative;display:inline-block} Do you think I look like them? He shook his head. I think my friend is dead! he yells. "What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Violators will be extracted. Submitted by Helen McNair, My father-in-law, Paul, lives on a farm near Wynyard, Saskatchewan. When your ex says, Youll never find anyone like me reply with: thats the point., 21. Thanks to them, it's easier than ever to memorize one or two quips to fill those awkward silences at your next backyard barbecue. Oddly enough it's feminists, One of the UK's smallest towns has an award-winning pub and England's oldest fishing society, 'How bad are the pics? I listened in and overheard Mitch say to Matt, Even if you were an only child, you still wouldnt be Mom and Dads favourite. Submitted by Denise Horn, While working the beverage cart at the local golf course, a customer asked me if I could go back to the previous green to see if she had left her sandwich there. Submitted by James Hewitt, Marriage is just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin. One turned to my father and said, Do yall put manure on your strawberries? My dad smiled, then responded, I dont know how you do things where you come from, but up here we put sugar and cream on our berries. Submitted by Stacey Hebert. Whats E.T. [Read: Backhanded compliment How to react kindly or give back in kind]. Want to grab a drink? he asks the centipede, but theres no answer from the box. Selling doors, door-to-door. Bill Bailey. Check out our bestshort jokes! Youll just end up looking comedic and thats not what were going for here. What do you call a fake noodle? Oh yesthe news. [Read: 60 creative insults to intellectually insult someone with sarcasm and leave everyone around laughing]. 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners Ill never part with it!. She couldn't control her pupils. Oops.Submitted by Robert Rea, Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. This was because he wanted to make sure that their knee-caps were alright! Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year. A man was stranded on a desert island for 20 years when a navy ship finally spots him. Submitted by Kerry Hagan, Q: Where do loose tea leaves go to rest while theyre camping? Hope that helped raise your smartass quota for the week. A class act. Ive found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. Submitted by Christina Melton, I wouldnt want to fly Virgin. Thats where we come in! 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes Submitted by Timothy Manganaro, A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on St. Patricks Day and gives her a ring with a synthetic diamond. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. The bear shrugged. Thats why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.Dick Gregory, Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie. Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology. I also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise. Thats amazing, the woman said. My Grandmother's favorite saying was actually a song. We missed the R! As they are walking out of the restaurant, Jenna starts to rifle through her purse to find her keys. 52. I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because Im still looking for ideas., 8. My computer's got the Miley virus. We werent looking for the same thing, she explained. Years back, a group of hunters from the United States came up to shoot some birds. Thanks! When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Today isnt your day. '", "Why did the old woman fall into the well? Its not a gong. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. ._2ik4YxCeEmPotQkDrf9tT5{width:100%}._1DR1r7cWVoK2RVj_pKKyPF,._2ik4YxCeEmPotQkDrf9tT5{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}._1DR1r7cWVoK2RVj_pKKyPF{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;max-width:100%}._1CVe5UNoFFPNZQdcj1E7qb{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:4px}._2UOVKq8AASb4UjcU1wrCil{height:28px;width:28px;margin-top:6px}.FB0XngPKpgt3Ui354TbYQ{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:start;align-items:flex-start;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column;margin-left:8px;min-width:0}._3tIyrJzJQoNhuwDSYG5PGy{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;width:100%}.TIveY2GD5UQpMI7hBO69I{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;color:var(--newRedditTheme-titleText);white-space:nowrap;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis}.e9ybGKB-qvCqbOOAHfFpF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;width:100%;max-width:100%;margin-top:2px}.y3jF8D--GYQUXbjpSOL5.y3jF8D--GYQUXbjpSOL5{font-weight:400;box-sizing:border-box}._28u73JpPTG4y_Vu5Qute7n{margin-left:4px} you couldn't kick jokes where is madeira citrine mined. Whats that big brass gong for? asked the friend. Its three in the morning!Anonymous, Fortune tellers are so easy to buy clothes fortheyre all mediums. A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. View a fight that stems from an ill-fated joke not as a reason to withdraw or get defensive but as a vehicle for intimacy. I was involved in very organised crime. Milton Jones, I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper dicing with death. Tim Vine. Check out the funniest comedies on Netflix Canada right now. Thats why this suit is only $30., Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suits left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. Then they call me ugly and poor.". 80. My sister would be so proud of you! she declared. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. When Im done, poof! Conjunctivitis.com thats a site for sore eyes. Tim Vine. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off. ' @woodyluvscoffee. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Young children have a unique superpower: place a toddler in a queen-sized bed and they will find a sleeping position that ensures no one else can fit in there with them. I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. You're the reason God created the middle finger. Aye matey.. A young monk arrives at the monastery. I turned to a man who had been waiting alongside me the whole time and said, Sir, how long have you been waiting?, He looked at his watch and said, Since last year. Misir Doobay, Toronto. Submitted by Chuck Welch, Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the young man led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. The only reason Im fat is because a tiny body couldnt store all this personality.[Read: How to be funny and make people love your company], 29. A friend and I were enjoying a coffee in our local haunt when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, Hi, Ken. Dont miss these hilarious real life prank stories! I took that as my cue to outline my expanded role, and listed my actions and achievements. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious. [Read: Funny conversation starters and 40 lines to instantly fit right in]. Next week is his First Communion., I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached Gods holy word. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? Youre drunk.. Whats your secret for a long, happy life? I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, he said. How far do you think I can kick this bucket. Do you want to get a drink? I heard you the first time! says a small, irritated voice. Amazing! the man says. Check out the most Canadian headlines of all time. Listen, the crook says, you dont want any trouble, and neither do I. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. ", "I don't know, but the flag's a big plus. This isnt even real. I know, he says. A dog is a bitch, dogs bark. Snake 2: I dont know. The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. Submitted by Paul Lewis, I think my goldfish has seizures, a man tells the veterinarian. This moment of friction gifts you access into your partners interior, their map of pain points and insecurities, as well as insights into your own patterns and beliefs. My New Years resolution is to get in shape. Hes peeing in the refrigerator again!, For his birthday, an old mans nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. 55 Funny Food Jokes And Puns That Kids Will Relish - Fatherly Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Next, the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Dont miss this collection of the best knock knock jokes for kids. The wife says that yes, he could. These hilarious DIY jokes will bring down the house! I do, however, want to set fire to all of your stuff. [Read: All the quotes you need while going through a breakup], 15. The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined. Want to know whether you should be kicking your lover to the curb? The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, walks past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". If you open a space up for me, I swear Ill give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday., Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Ive used too much! Submitted by Andrew Bird, I was mugged twice last year. Whats it called? Couldn't run a chook raffle. A few minutes later, the hobo knocks again. Then she called, Here, kittySubmitted by Khalid Khan. However, if you can do the raised eyebrow look, it will add a dose of irony and really? to your quote. Its called balance., 3. Then I served my country in Iraq. You cheap bum! she yells. ", "How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? 134 Likes, 22 Comments - Aidan (@diazaidanw) on Instagram: "From killer hoco proposal, to killer hoco outfits . Submitted by Denise Stewart. None, I replied. I would love to insult you, but I wouldnt do as well as nature did, 50. The jury comes back with the verdict. Hes only got little legs. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over. Milton Jones, Two fish are sitting in a tank. You havent been here a while, havent you? I asked. Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy? Ah, yes, the doctor said when Norm explained what had happened to him. Did you hit him with the golf club? Yes, I did, sobs the woman. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? The light goes off.. She then reassured him by adding, Now, if you do everything Ive told you, you wont be with us for long.. Im just mean and people think Im joking., 35. Bonnie, he says, Larry is doing fine! ._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa{margin-top:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._3EpRuHW1VpLFcj-lugsvP_{color:inherit}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa svg._31U86fGhtxsxdGmOUf3KOM{color:inherit;fill:inherit;padding-right:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._2mk9m3mkUAeEGtGQLNCVsJ{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;color:inherit} What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? ", "Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. Women are like iPhones. I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. And how are the American students, Donald? she asked. Yo mama so ugly when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application. I really thought you already knew. [Read: 45 Saddest lost love quotes for the broken-hearted], 41. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. So, as you can see, I said, Im doing a lot more than inflating at my desk. I got the raise. Can I join you? Why, am I falling apart? I replied. Well, theyre not laughing now. But in honour of Saint Patrick, I thought Id buy you a sham-rock.Anonymous, My wifes clinic called my home number to tell me that they couldnt accept 911 as her emergency contact. A: A steeping bag. When he answered the door, he found a six-foot-tall cockroach standing in front of him. Whether its the swift one-liners of Tim Vine or Milton Jones, or a more traditionally structured joke, these quick-fire quips will have your friends rolling around on the floor. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast. If you liked that joke, youll get a kick out of these hilarious thesaurus mistakes. Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not Milton Jones, What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? When he answers the door shes standing there in a slinky black dress. ', Dad replies, 'We are your real parents, son. Late one evening, Norms doorbell rang. ", "Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? "A thief broke into the police headquarters during the night and took all the toilets. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room filled with toys. The best way to make a serious impact with a smartass quote is to deliver it, turn on your heel, and walk away. Im following the one who called me miss. The Hello, maam one should take note. @anniemumary. The photographer started describing the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he rattled off his sales pitch so quickly that I couldnt get a word in. Here are the best insulting smartass quotes we could find. He wasnt familiar with royal etiquette, so he decided to simply follow the Queens lead and hope for the best. Submitted by Robert Gallagher, I was at a Canadian Tire, chatting with the young woman at the till. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams, 5. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. That night I went to a church meeting and the speaker told us about his humanitarian work. So I gave him all the money I had. After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. 5. While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. Tom Ward. First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. I always say Morning instead of Good Morning, because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people., 2. Weinstein. The floors are so shiny you can see your antennae in them. Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes. These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one. I take that as a compliment. 40 of the funniest jokes about Brexit The gentleman walked over, sat beside her, ordered a drink, then turned to her to ask, Tell me, good-looking, do I come here often?Submitted by Bill Warren. ' Tim Vine, This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. You couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, He couldn't get his hole in a barrel of fannies._3K2ydhts9_ES4s9UpcXqBi{display:block;padding:0 16px;width:100%} 70. My life is a mess, he says. and the one on the right is where I go to church., The man sneers, Thats the church I used to attend!, Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing., Theres a simple test you can run to see how bad the problem is: Start out 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. There was a moment of silence before the woman replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked No Refills.Submitted by Roy Warner, An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. They get really upset. I couldn't believe the . We dont serve your type! shouts the barman. Theres no menu, you only get what you deserve. Submitted by Faith Lackey, A: Breathe! The satisfactory. Diddly-squats. on Instagram: "' "couldn't organise a "? - Google Groups As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.Anonymous. Rub one ball and everything moves., 7. Mr. The light goes on. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. The doctor says, Larry, everything looks great. You know, this is my first operation. You wont believe these funny classified ads actually ran! Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D., is an assistant clinical professor in Northwestern Universitys Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy program. He said Thanks! I said Dont mention it., I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. 200 Short Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off - Parade Nature is beautiful and so am I. I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Cant you take a joke? Up in heaven, she sees God. Theyll be ready next Friday.Submitted by Ronald Moore, A: Cookie sheets. Seated at the bar was a fine-looking lady of a certain age. Good Comebacks 1. Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? I can only please one person a day. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora.'. Dont miss this roundup of the Canadian comedians to watch out forand their best jokes. Rod Stewart - Maggie May Lyrics | AZLyrics.com He was a tackling dummy. The young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. Via Getty Images/ Dalton Rasmussen / EyeEm. Wow, this bed is big!. Today I saw something that reminded me of you. God says, No. A talking clock? It all happened so fast., A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see whos best at his job. 1. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. So what have you done with your life? he asks the dog. Youve been complaining ever since you got here., Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. He was a great vet. Crime in multi-storey car parks. When the server showed up to take our order, she asked, Where do you get your mussels? The young waitress blushed, looked sheepishly at her biceps and quietly answered, Cross-training?Submitted by Dan Grabke, Q: Whats Edith Piafs favourite airline? Sometimes it has vinaigrette or mayonnaise. As a Russian prepares to cross the Ukrainian border, the border guard asks, Occupation?. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? Yes, Im afraid so, said the doctor. Finally, he hollers, Hey! He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults The son comes home in the afternoon. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. A hobo knocks on the door of the St. George and the Dragon Inn. Im coming to live with you.Submitted by Joan Vercueil, A couple of cockroaches are munching on the contents of a garbage can in a deserted alley. ._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4{width:100%}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4:hover ._31L3r0EWsU0weoMZvEJcUA{display:none}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4 ._31L3r0EWsU0weoMZvEJcUA,._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4:hover ._11Zy7Yp4S1ZArNqhUQ0jZW{display:block}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4 ._11Zy7Yp4S1ZArNqhUQ0jZW{display:none} In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 2023 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About Us | Write for Us | Contact Us, 60 creative insults to intellectually insult someone with sarcasm and leave everyone around laughing, 101 savage good comebacks for every witty, funny or rude comeback, 55 funny quotes about love and all its complications, Dry sense of humor: What is it & 20 signs youre too dry and funny, 11 profound relationship quotes everyone can relate to, All the quotes you need while going through a breakup, Being single 30 happy, inspiring quotes for singles, 19 life quotes to motivate you to live a better life, How to be funny and make people love your company, 101 Savage good comebacks for every witty, funny, or rude comment, 45 Saddest lost love quotes for the broken-hearted, 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback, Ready to charm?